Search This Blog

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Fencing in Words


Not glamorous, but the view I have had for thirty years...

April is coming to an end, May is around the weekend, and I am herding words onto a blank page. Baby is asleep, dishes wait, with no remorse, in the sink, with crumbs of  breakfast clinging, while I contemplate the silence of my sanctuary.

I have lived in this home for thirty years, while my neighbor, Mrs. B has lived in her home for fifty years. Today, she is moving into a new home, at least new to her.  Did she see this day coming or was the advance one of  stealth?

As I type this, I am able to see her solid brink house built by her husband with Italian hands.  Mr. B has been gone, though she has often said, she still expects him to walk in for a few words to bicker over, probably ten years. He was erect, walked with tiny steps on tiny feet, used a ham radio, groomed his yard with a manicurist care.

I think they prescribed to my husband's Irish gran's school of neighbors, "High fences make good neighbors.", though there wasn't any fence, just honeysuckle bushes, routinely trimmed one a year , with much care and a string to maintain the equal height as he cut along the row. He had an engineer's precision, and a temperament that did not interfere with his goal.

Sometimes, he would offer sage advice to our children, "wear shoes, missed a stripe with the mower, or clip the peonies after they bloom." Which, of course, surprised them as normally he was the silent one. Mrs. B on the other had, was the talker. She had worked in the bank where the children had savings accounts.When we would make our sojourns into that staid, silent establishment, to deposit money, but really to receive a tootsie pop, they were always surprised to see Mrs. B and always caught off guard when she knew who they were, for they, in their hearts, believed they were invisible to her when at home playing in the back yard. Funny how that is.


Anyway, she is moving, which for some reason, I find also moving. She was probably the age I am now, when we moved into this house with only two children, one on the way, no knowledge of the fourth that was to come after the third. Mrs B's  mother lived with her then, a white haired woman, and because she spoke only Italian, I never was able to communicate with.

As long as I have lived here, I have never seen the shades on the east side of her house open, even today they are drawn, closing out the morning light. I have only ever been inside her house a handful of times, though she has been in my home many times. I do know she has two kitchens, which I had never heard of before meeting her. I was in awe of this piece of information as cleaning one seemed like enough work for me. Since then, I have come to know many people with more then one kitchen.

(in fact, there is a house for sale not far from me that we call 'three kitchen" and can barely constrain myself from going to the open house to see exactly how this is laid out as it is small three bedroom ranch, not a mansion, which would seem a more likely candidate to house three kitchens, don't you think?)

These last few years with out her husband have been very trying for her. I know this for a fact as she has set off her burglar alarm with abandon at all times of the day. The difficult part is, she is very, very hard of hearing, doesn't wear her hearing aids in the house, and cannot hear the alarm when is it gong off.  Alerting her to the fact it is going off, after one ascertains it is an error is even trickier.

Then, of course, her house was broken into while she was at the Italian Women's luncheon, and fear has now won the day.  Nor can I blame her.

We are connected by time, proximity, and sentences, and I will miss knowing she was there.  









Thursday, April 21, 2016

Levitating

The Patient Man, I Love


I lie awake, levitating*,
while  you slumber beside me.


My annual respiratory distress,
thankfully,
is not distressing your sleep.

This unfortunate malady,
allows me the luxury,
of meditating on you.

Once again,
realizing how your life,
has made mine possible.




*Gotta love nebulizer treatments






Monday, April 11, 2016

Coming Home

Suspended, kind of like these plants I recently saw. 
Today,
My husband of thirty-eight years
is arriving on a jet plane.

I will, in a little while,
traverse four lanes of
wilderness,
to retrieve him.

The days without him
have left me feeling
s u s p e n d e d
between
being alive
and waiting to
live.


Friday, March 25, 2016

Attempting to go Forth

A recent quilt top I have made, which has nothing
 what so ever to do with anything.

Today:
I am going forth.

Not to slay dragons,
(except maybe the ones with in)
but to retrieve the dry cleaning.

Not to change the course of the nation,
(perhaps the course of my heart)
but to uncover the dining room table of borrowed objects.

Not to rescue fair maidens or princes,
(barely myself, these days)
but Clementine (our dog) from the hole in the fence.

These days of going forth are built of little tasks,
Alone,
Just a drop.
A drop of the ocean*.
The ocean of the everyday.







(to borrow from Emily Dickinson)

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

nor beautiful


Not a beauty, nor beautiful,
*I don't have a cat anymore, though I wish I did. 

but her words were.

shining spots of language,
slid along the page,
as though skating on ice.
(even though there was never ice in Mississippi)

Choreographed without
routine to a melody,
seldom heard before or since.*

If only such sentences arrived in my mail box.




*inspired by the letters of Eudora Welty and Ross MacDonald read in the collection titled: Meanwhile there are Letters





Monday, January 25, 2016

given the least kindness...


Bloom of compassion

I am drawn to be
better then otherwise planned,
when given the least kindness.

Melting, softening,
sensing,
selfless sentences
springing forth...
for others.














Monday, January 18, 2016

Found Beauty



One of, my friend ,Marc Chagall's pieces...


We each have a moment,
I think,
buried,
in our minds,
held,
tenderly,
carefully,
quietly.

Which,
I believe,
is the source
of how we perceive beauty.





Monday, November 23, 2015

Watching



We wait wondering,
November morning light in my livingroom
wanting no change,
yet expecting one.

We wait while,
wondering,
how life goes on,
amid this pain.

We wait watching,
one another's
grief.

We wait willingly,
for one another,
hoping for relief.

We wait while loving,
Joan with all our hearts,
knowing we will always do so,
hoping she will always know.


Saturday, October 24, 2015

Index Cards


Just love these little guys
I write lists on index cards, every night before I go to sleep. Upon I waking, I then write a modified list on a new index card.

This has been my way for decades. Sometimes the lists are for what really needs to be accomplished, sometimes it is what I hope to finish (if days were 36 hours long instead of the skimpy 24).

Perhaps you are familiar with this method of list writing?

Usually, my lists are of the practical sort; wash kitchen floor, make cookies, can tomatoes, laundry, etc. Practical may be my middle name, right next to: use what I have.

I have always attributed my index card habit to my ability to sleep well. I write it all down, fall asleep knowing until tomorrow, all will be well.  I find it peaceful, as though someone else has it in hand for the night.

Lately, I have taken to writing down things of concern which I have found I have little control over, so along with , say laundry, I now write; pray for women and children around the world caught in slave trade, right before clean the bathrooms, or for people caught in war torn countries, before weed the flower beds.

Sometimes, what I write is closer to home:  pray my children will be friends, as no other people  will understand where they came from as clearly as their siblings, before, repaint the kitchen, adding think of others first. then, replace tile by front door, as one of the tiles are loose.

Perhaps it is pie in the sky, or irrational, quite possibly both, but maybe it does make a difference. At the very least, it heightens my level of intention.

So I am hoping, when opportunity presents itself,  I will not shy away from working towards something better, something kinder, something much more important than me. Because at the end of the day, all we have is the sum of our actions, and how we treat one another.

Besides, I do love those clean white index cards, and how they allow me to have some order in this chaotic world.



Saturday, September 19, 2015

John Keats at 24


Today, as Writer's Almanac has informed me, is the day John Keats wrote the ode to autumn.  He was 24 years old when he whipped this poem off.

I aspire to this beauty
.
I do love apples.

It was lovely then, and it is lovely now, so for your reading pleasure:


To Autumn
by:
(a very young)
 John Keats


Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run;
To bend with apples the moss'd cottage-trees,
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core"


Friday, September 11, 2015

Morning Message


The very tea bag message thing (what is that called?)
Found this morning:

hard words hanging over,
worse then if
I had been drinking,
from night before.


Found this morning:

a message on teabag,
which,
I eagerly read,
looking for wisdom


Found this morning:

a stone softening,
leaking the
milk of human kindness.



















Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Tangled Love

Sweet Peas in my garden. 

No love is a straight shot. It is circuitous, at best. It is tiny strands of thoughts, feelings, and efforts.

All of which often, read almost always, misfire, misdirect, miscommunicate, the giver's intention.

Love for; family members, friends, spouses, children, strangers, potential mates, or next door neighbors, even if you lived there for years and years, can go only as far as the receiver will accept or as well as the giver can communicate.

As a result, or at least in my case, it is missed, misunderstood, or unrequited, and in the worse case scenarios, despised. Which makes the threads, even more tangled then the thousands of fine threads in a wastrel sewing basket, which I of course, have encountered, frequently.

Then there are the moments, the tiny little moments, where the tight knots, loosen, and threads that were not salvageable, slide into alignment. Making possibilities.

It is the possibilities that I look for, nay seek. Seek with  certain curiosity, wondering how the story will turn out. It is with patience  I watch, delightfully caught off guard, and experience with tentative disbelief, while hopefully, accepting the gift given.